I remember being in the doctor’s office May 2010 signing my paperwork for the surgery…the doctor gave me the “worse case scenario” and reassured me that I would be okay and it was most likely not cancer because I am so young (23 years old) but it was just a precaution; if it was cancer I would have full hysterectomy. I held the pen tightly in my hand and I paused for a moment and said a prayer. I gently opened my eyes and slowly signed my name, my eyes watered up a little but nothing for anybody to notice. I looked over at my mom and my aunt who were so supportive of me and I felt their protection and love.

As I was being wheeled out of surgery, I quickly glanced at the clock, my surgery was 4 hours rather than 2. I looked up at the nurses and tried to ask them what happened but I was still out of it. I just looked at my mom her face said it all. My dad was heartbroken. I completely lost it; at that point I knew and my mom did too. I could hear the crying. No words needed to be said I knew it was cancer. I was shaking my head back and forth crying, “no, no, no!” It was the longest walk going to my room. My family followed behind me. I felt so cold inside, so alone, so let down.

My doctor came in and notified me that I had a full hysterectomy and the cancer had spread to several organs in my body including my ovaries, fallopian tubes, colon, uterus, bladder, lymph nodes. My cancer count was 40,000 I had stage 3.75 Ovarian Cancer. Both of my ovaries were gone, they could not save them. In that split second I started getting angry. I am an only child and I just talked to my best friend, Megan, about having a big family; my children and what I would name them. I did not understand why this was taken away from me. In a selfish moment I was upset with God. I started to tear up and I had no answers. My doctor was still talking to me telling me I needed to start chemotherapy and it was going to be the strongest treatment, how I would lose my hair, how nauseous I would get…it was all a blur. I tried to focus, his lips were moving but I couldn’t hear a thing.

I spent 3 days and 2 nights in the hospital. I refused to let this bring me down. After all the support of my family and friends I knew I had to keep a stiff upper lip, be strong and beat this cancer! Ryan, my best friend came to visit me and I remember him holding my hand and he asked me how did this happen? The pain in his voice brought me to tears…I questioned myself and wondered how did this happen? How did doctors not detect it? Well, come to find out ovarian cancer was called the “Silent Killer”…the side effects are very hard to detect. You must listen to your body well to notice anything. I guess I missed that memo because I had no clue, no pain, not a thing!

I did chemotherapy every 3 weeks for 8 treatments, I did lose all my hair, my eyebrows, my eyelashes, everything. I was grateful I never got nauseous. Although it felt like a dark time in my life. I am finished with it now and look forward to being in remission. I look back and I realize that God would never give me anything that I could not handle. I will never know why but it is a blessing for me to sit here and tell you my story and how I am a survivor of cancer. I never gave up, I fought for all those who lost their battle and those who are fighting. The strength was from within me and God carried me thru it. I’m so thankful for my friends, family, doctors, nurses everybody who helped me beat this and without God I wouldn’t be sitting here with the courage and strength that I have.

It’s overwhelming, frightening, and lonely. It knocked me off balance. Facing cancer also means facing uncertainty and my own mortality, not to mention the physical changes of treatment as well as stress and the financial strain of the experience. I was in the hospital from January 28th until March 29th. I had a total hysterectomy and discovered that I had stage IIIc ovarian cancer and just when I was recovering from that surgery 14 days later I got a bowel obstruction and again another surgery to recover from. I had so many procedures and complications following the surgery. My bowels wouldn’t work, the swelling from the debulking would not go away, and I had a paracentesis four times to deal with my ascites. I was in the hospital twice in June, once for pneumonia and then I had a thoracocentesis which caused a hole in my lung. I have had four blood transfusions and in turn I developed an anti body in my blood. I started chemo while I was in the hospital which is not ideal, so of course with my weakened immune system came the rashes and the c-diff infection. It seemed endless.

I was fortunate to have my husband and son with me in the hospital. Everything was overwhelming and it was important that they were there to assist me. I found out 2010 was the worst and best year of my life. I found out my brothers love me deeply and my sister in laws even surprised me on how much they care about and love me. It has been almost two years and I am on the third round of chemo. I see my oncologist every month and I had a hernia surgery at the end of the 2010. (A hernia I received from my two stomach surgeries.) Ovarian cancer has such a high recurrence rate that I will have to be checked frequently.

Dealing with all the side effects from chemo, nerve damage in my feet, the depleting of my bone marrow and damaging healthy tissue. The steroids I take make me bloated, moonfaced and prone to storms of emotion. I tell people that, “It is better to look good then to feel good.” There is no instruction manual for cancer or for life. I am glad I don’t have to walk this road by myself. Ovarian cancer is considered a chronic disease and I am finding that out because my CA125 is on the rise. Now I am on a waiting list for Doxil because there is a shortage of that chemo and Taxol. In the meantime they put me on Topotecan and now I just found out that is not working. I am looking into clinical trials at Mayo and a second opinion.

When is Hope a legitimate offer or consumer fraud? What if I can’t, or don’t get well? The balance between attention and forgetting is difficult. Should I be in denial or neglect my cancer, sometimes ignorance is bliss for what you want in life, just to forget yourself. I need purpose and more than that hope!

I had a pet scan recently and that appears to be unchanged which is good. I am looking for a new doctor since my retired. I was not happy with the replacement because they don’t know my history or seem to care. When I went in for my appointment they wanted to take me off Taxatere and put me on Gemzar, which I have been on already and failed. I felt like once my doctor retired they don’t really have someone to take his place, and I saw a nurse practitioner who had no idea what to do and she could not get hold of my new doctor that I was supposed to see because she was working in another clinic. Doctors have no time for compassion, I felt cheated and doctors go numb.

Cancer is an unplanned journey that can shake us to our core. I am trying to stay centered and calm. I wish I knew what my next move should be, more chemo, hormone therapy or clinical trial. I am trying to read all the information on the internet but everyone is so different. A good death doesn’t depend on how many days you have left but on what those days are like. You are alive until you die, if I let go will I come back? I wish I could make everyone diagnosed with cancer a survivor. We all need reasons to live, mine is family and love for my husband and son. Staying alive and expressing deep parts of myself that matter and that makes me uniquely who I am. Why fight for more life unless that life has value? Every person is worth life, worth saving and fighting for. It helps me believe in a tomorrow.

I hope I can influence other girls to go to the doctor when they know something is wrong. I didn’t want to go to the doctor because I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t want to face it. But I’m actually happy I know now because it could have taken my life if I didn’t. So I encourage everyone to go to the doctor if you know something isn’t feeling right.

When she told me that it was ovarian cancer I was concerned and my sister and I started doing research. She also told us that she was in the 3rd stage. We were really worried then. She fought for it to go away. Her chemo stopped working toward the end and the cancer spread. They couldn’t do anything about it after that. It had gotten really bad at that point. She passed away April 17, 2009. She was a very strong and beautiful woman. The picture that I chose is really the last one ever taken of my mother. It is the purest picture of my mother. She used to dye her hair and put on make-up even though we told her she didn’t need it. I miss my mother everyday.

I lost my mother in March 2007. I will never forget the call I received that Sunday morning at 7:40 AM. Hospice called and stated that my mother had just passed away. I remember the day before, I went to visit her and her last words to me were to bring her a bell, a yellow cover and a back scratcher. The day before she died, I went to see her and she seemed like she was being called into the light (staring off in the distance). This was a sign i did not realize until later that death was knocking on her door. She did not eat for the entire 2 months. All she did was sleep. The morphine helped.

I love my mother SO MUCH and still today, it HURTS every single day to be WITHOUT her. The ovarian cancer that took her came swift and quick. OMG, I hope one day soon, there is a cure for ovarian cancer. God Bless!

Then in December of 2007, I went in to the doctor because I didn’t feel well. It turned out I had the flu, but what was worse than that after getting over the flu I was having some very severe cramps; the kind that make you keel over in pain and want to lay down and just die. I went back to my doctor and he ordered an ultrasound which revealed that I had 2 different types of cysts; one was a regular water cyst (the kind that just go away) the other was a cyst that consisted of a porcupine-like structure that was literally wrapping itself around the ovary and was causing my blood flow to come to a complete halt. I went to see an ob/gyn who also did an ultrasound and found the same things. He did one surgery to remove the bad ovary and the cyst only to discover via biopsy that I had ovarian cancer. He referred me to an oncologist who diagnosed me with stage 3C ovarian cancer. The reason it was diagnosed at stage 3C was because it had already spread to my pelvic region. He did surgery on me in 2008 and removed between 10-15 pounds of tumors. He ultimately saved my life.

I am now 46 years old and I have been in remission twice. I am in my third recurrence and I have just started a new treatment with Alimta. I had my first dose yesterday 10/19/2011. I have also been informed that with my type of cancer I will have remissions but they will be far and few between. I keep praying and I am very optimistic that I will not be a STATISTIC, I will be a SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have 2 boys, I am in a long term relationship of over 18 years and I have many Teal Sisters that I love and that show me support every single day as I show them the same….

I AM A SURVIVOR

In November, I noticed bloating, hardness in my lower abdominal area, my pants feeling tight and uncomfortable, pain in my ovary area that didn’t go away, started having short, four-day periods every two weeks with extremely heavy bleeding for 2 out of the 4 days. I called my doc in mid-November, got in a couple of weeks later, then she scheduled me for an ultrasound. Ultrasound showed a large mass. Doc then sent me for a CA125 blood test. CA125 came back at 49. Doc said slightly elevated, but wasn’t too concerned (neither was I), but said she’d have it tested at the time of surgery and if even remotely questionable of being cancerous, will remove everything. I said ok.

Scheduled surgery for Jan. 31, 2011. During surgery, pathology came back with Stage 4 cancer, so doc took everything out (both ovaries, tubes, uterus, cervix, appendix and wall of fat). Pathology did a thorough look at my other removed parts and came back with a final result of Stage 1. Thank God! During my hospital stay, a gyn oncologist visited me every day and informed me I’d need chemo. I thought it would be something like a pill, which would be no big deal. I had none of the risk factors for ovarian cancer; I had not gone through menopause, I have never been overweight, I gave birth to 2 children, I took birth control pills until age 38, had my tubes tied at age 40, no family history of ovarian cancer and my mom and her mom are still living and neither one of them has had any cancer.

When I had my first meeting with the oncologist in his office, he informed me I’d need chemo to make sure there are no cancer cells in me and that the chemo is the nasty stuff. I kept my feelings in check until I got home. When my husband and I got home, I had a melt down. I just knew that poison was going to kill me, or at least make me so sick that I would wish I was dead. Everyone I knew who had had chemo were no longer living. I almost opted not to do chemo. If it had not been for my family, I probably would not have. This past March, I started 6 rounds, every 3 weeks, of Carboplatin and Taxol, by way of IV. My first chemo treatment was the worst. Thank God I had no nausea due to the meds for that. But had other crap that made me feel really bad. Two weeks after my first treatment, started losing my hair. My husband buzzed my hair off the following Saturday. That was the second and last melt down I had.

Each treatment got a little better, but I became depressed over my hair loss. I hate that I’m so vain. I returned to work fulltime 9 weeks after surgery and have continued working, other than a day here and there due to treatments. My employer was very accommodating and allowed me to use paid FMLA for time I needed to take off related to the cancer/chemo. My last treatment was June 21. Had a CT scan and CA125 test in July. CT scanned me from neck to pelvis and showed nothing except what was supposed to be there. My CA125 level was at 6. All during my treatments, my CA125 tests came back at 6 or 7.
I have been asked numerous times by people affiliated with ovarian cancer organizations, that since I’m staged at 1, which is rare, how did I know to see a doctor and what were my symptoms. I know that a lot of women do not have symptoms until it’s too late and I don’t know why I had them early. When the symptoms I mentioned earlier lasted for a couple of weeks, and weren’t going away, I knew something was wrong. Cancer was the last thing on my mind. I just thought it was another cyst, which had gotten out of control. I am also very in-tune with my body. Before my surgery, I had put on close to 10 pounds in a matter of 2-3 months, which has never happened before.

I am on the road to normalcy now. My hair is coming back in – about an inch long. It’s more gray than before chemo, and what isn’t gray is dark. My hair has never been that dark. Can’t wait to have enough to color back to blonde! My eyebrows and eyelashes are back. My eyelashes are fuller than before. Because my eyebrows came in looking like caterpillars, I had them waxed and low and behold, the waxed part isn’t growing back!

My oncologist informed me that I am now the start of ovarian cancer in my family and that I should inform my immediate female relatives that they are at risk. So, I informed my daughter and two sisters. (My mom had a total hysterectomy nearly 40 years ago due to a non-cancerous uterine tumor.) I am concerned for my daughter and sisters, and I cannot expressed to them enough what symptoms to look out for. I would feel better if they would get the genetic testing to hopefully rule it out.

My husband was a godsend throughout this entire ordeal. I had always been the stronger one whenever the chips were down. But this time, during my recovery time from surgery, my meltdowns, treatment visits, and everything in between, my husband stepped up and was my solid, strong rock and awesome caregiver, without any hesitation. He took time off work and went with me to every treatment. I love him even more than ever in our 29 years of marriage. I have been crabby and irritable towards him occasionally due to my mojo (hormones) being taken away, and I’m working on fixing that. My whole family was great with support, as well as my co-workers, and my husband’s friends, which are men. Who knew?! What was disappointing to me was that I did not hear anything at all the entire time from my oldest and dearest friends. Not even a quick “how are you” in an email. I didn’t confront them on this because I knew any of their excuses was just that, excuses. So I’ve learned who really matters to me.

I also have to give mention of my gynecologist for being “on it” from day one. I’ve been hearing and reading so much of women’s doctors blowing off their symptoms and concerns, thereby delaying medical action. I find that very disturbing and frightening. My gynocologist did everything right from the ultrasound to the removal of all my parts.

I found that humor was the best medicine throughout the entire ordeal. I’ve always been a happy-go-lucky person with a great sense of humor. If you can’t change things, then find things to laugh about and surround yourself with humorous people.

I became depressed when I learned of the horrid chemo treatments I’d need. I was so afraid of it making me deathly sick. At this point in my life, I had always been very healthy. A seasonal cold would be the worse sickness I’d get. I haven’t had the flu in close to 20 years and I have never even had an infection in my whole life! But with chemo, I was afraid my record would be broken. But, apparently due to my awesome immune system, and/or, careful living by staying away from sick people and washing hands a lot, or the grace of God, I managed to get through all chemo treatments without any colds, flu or infections. My record stays intact!

My final word is the lessons I learned from my own experience and from hearing/reading others’ experience: Cancer can happen to any one, at any time, no matter your family history or how healthy you are. However, I believe the healthier you are, the better you’ll endure the treatments. Strong support from family and/or friends is vital. I learned the hard way that constipation is indeed a very serious matter. Talk about s***ting a brick! Stool softeners are your best friend. Bad hair days won’t exist for me anymore. Listen to your body and be persistent with your doctor if needed. Laughter is truly the best medicine. With the knowledge of having cancer, I initially thought how unlucky I was. But, after hearing and reading what others have gone through and what they have yet to go through, I now know I have been very lucky from the get-go.

For two weeks no progress was made in diagnosing my condition. I was accused of having an eating disorder due to my severe weight loss, thyroid issues were thrown into the mix, and finally they just gave “it” the name of being Idiopathic. After many complaints about my hurting abdomen a CAT Scan was ordered.

A large tumor was growing in my abdomen. This tumor was simultaneously consuming my calories from my food feeding the tumor, and not me solving the mysterious weight loss issue. Thankfully i transferred to the Methodist Hospital in Houston and a surgery was ordered to remove the large tumor which was my left ovary. The surgery was successful. The size of my tumor was that of a volleyball. My right ovary and uterus were unaffected. My diagnosis was stage 3 small cell carcinoma of the ovaries.

A few weeks after my surgery in early October I began the first round of the seven treatments of chemotherapy I was to endure. The seventh treatment was a killer dose, but a stem cell transplant one day after my last day of chemo saved my life. I spent one month in the hospital making progress each day thanks to the stem cells working and doing their jobs. The stem cells were my own so my body responded wonderfully to the transplant.

When I was well enough and my counts had raised to a more stable level I started my radiation treatment. That took six of the longest weeks of my life. On June 30th 2011 I rang the victory bell three time declaring to everyone that I had completed the hardest mission on earth.

I was blessed enough to celebrate my 20th birthday in August of 2011 and start my freshman year of college. Being a cancer survivor is the most rewarding feeling. I am an empowered woman now. Nothing satisfies me more than being able to wake up and look at myself in my mirror and see a warrior, survivor, and a miracle of God.

I was then referred to a gynecologic oncologist, Dr. Winter. He gave me great compassion and assured me I would be alright. We would get through it together. With my family support and an awesome doctor behind me, I went through my 1st surgery. Once Dr. Winter had opened me up he discovered that it was stage 4 and in my liver as well as my entire abdomen. He had to stop the surgery and send me to chemo when I was released form the hospital. He had told my family that this was not going to end well. I did my couple treatments and went back into surgery a month later. When Dr. Winter reopened me up he was amazingly surprised, the cancer was completely gone. I continued doing my 6 treatments and then did 10 more for maintenance treatment. My last treatment was in Sept. of 2009. I am now in remission or N.E.D “No Evidence of Disease” Since I met Dr. Winter he and 5 of his colleagues have formed a band to raise awareness for gynecologic cancers. Be a survivor, keep the faith, find a cure, never give up HOPE!

Your Friend,
Beth