My Mother Saved My Life Twice

My story begins with my Mom, Helen Golden, who was diagnosed with stage 3B epithelial ovarian cancer when she was 71 in July, 2005. After Mom’s debulking surgery and start of chemo, she was BRCA tested and we found that she did not carry the mutation and therefore her children, 1 daughter and 2 sons, did not need to be tested. We then started chemo and while in the midst of this frighteningly horrific time in our lives, the attention turned to me, her only daughter.

I was advised, by a total of six solicited and unsolicited doctors and one geneticist, that I should remove everything and anything from my breasts to my ovaries to my uterus. I was 49 and single with no children and had a regular period. We were completely overwhelmed by these opinions/suggestions as my Mom was BRCA negative, why should I do anything, this was an unfortunate fluke.  Previously, my only “history” was of cystic breasts, which resulted in the removal of a fibroadenoma in 1999, thereafter, my breasts are watched, and have been called “complicated”.

It took me almost a year to decide to do the least invasive but proactive procedure, that of removing my ovaries. So, I had a laparoscopic oopherectomy, end of story. Wrong!  The week after my surgery when I went to my gynecologist for a post op check up, he sat my mother and I down as the pathology report just came in and revealed a carcinoma in one of my fallopian tubes. I was assured that it was not cancer but I was treated as if it was cancer and we immediately arranged to remove my uterus, and treat me as if I had ovarian cancer by removing my omentum as well. And the surgery was to be done, not by my gynecologist, but by the gynecological oncologist who operated on my mother.

So back to the operating room for the surgery. A week later, when I went to get the staples removed, the doctor told me that “I had cancer and now I am cured”. To say that I had no idea what she was talking about was an understatement, and to say it in front of my mother, was to me, quite insensitive…You cannot imagine how it feels to be told in one breath that you had cancer and now you are cured. You cannot process it, you are reeling from the first part of the sentence and cannot appreciate the second. I had stage 1 uterine cancer and because of the optimal surgery, I didn’t need any chemo. So, in essence, if Mom didn’t get ovarian cancer, I wouldn’t have had the oopherectomy and then the total hysterectomy. Mom blamed herself for this happening to me and everyone told her but for her, my cancers wouldn’t have been detected until it was very advanced.

My story continues now without my Mom but for awhile she was with me when, after catapulting into an unnatural menopause, the gynecological oncologist put me on a low dosage of Premarin. I was on it about a week when I started to get pains in my breast, coincidentally, the same breast I had surgery on. I took myself off it, and mentioned it to my Mom’s oncologist, who 1) recommended me to be BRCA tested, and 2) strongly recommended a breast MRI.  My gynecologist also recommended that I be tested for Lynch disease, as well as having a colonoscopy, which my brothers had as well. I am BRCA negative, and do not have Lynch disease, and had no polyps.

After having the breast MRI, Mom’s oncologist called me and told me that I had DCIS. I had no idea what that was and when I was told, I immediately made an appointment to have my breasts removed (and replaced), as I couldn’t go through anymore as my Mom was still in treatment with by now recurrent ovarian cancer.  By this time, the struggle that I had earlier, when it was suggested that I remove one or all, had disappeared.  I realized that I should have removed everything when this whole thing started, instead of taking pieces at a time.

I went to the breast surgeon with the mindset to remove and replace. When I told her why I was there, she told me that there was no indication that I had DCIS (the same report the oncologist had) and that the only way she could know for sure, was to do a biopsy, and then, while on the table, said she still wouldn’t be able to remove my breasts at the same time. So, I had the biopsy and I do not have DCIS.

I am still a work in progress, or as my gynecologist calls me, “his science project” as every time a new test comes out, he gives it to me. My friend’s grandmother used to say “all in a lifetime”, but for me, this is ridiculous and I have had quite enough, and hope that this is the end of my story, but who knows…..

My mother was and is my hero. She taught us all how to live a full life in spite of this despicable disease. She taught us all what grace under pressure really means, and I would trade everything in a heartbeat if only.

Bonnie Golden, honored and proud daughter of Helen Golden, (1934-2009)