I want to nominate my sister, Maryalyce Dolan as one of the best mothers I have ever seen. Everyone who knew her saw her as a mother…offering advice, compassion and care.
She died from ovarian cancer on May 19, 2007. When she died she told me that she wanted to be remembered for the type of mother that she was. She left behind two children who were ages eight and eleven. There were so many heartbreaking moments during her illness. Her son said to her, “I saw you leave” after she was too sick to stay at one of his baseball games. That statement summed up so much of what her family and friends endured during her illness. The cancer took away her physical body, her mind, and finally her children.
This is part of her eulogy which reflects her dedication to her children.
Jessica and Joe, your care was your Mother’s top priority and her mission – even in her final days. She constantly spoke about you to everyone who visited and did her best to take care of you even though she was away from you.
Jessie and Joe – Your mom constantly expressed her strongest wishes that you continue to enjoy your lives, and excel in your education and extracurricular activities. One of her top priorities for you is to graduate from college and pursue your interests with passion. Mommy wants you to be able to continue to spend time with all of your family so that your mother’s memory and light can be kept alive in you through our love for you and her.
We had the benefit of talking with Maryalyce about how she wanted to be remembered and without hesitation she said that she wanted to be remembered for the kind of mom that she was. She specifically gave these examples of things she loved doing for her kids: She was the kind of mom who put Jessica and Joe’s clothes and bath towels in the dryer during the winter so that they would be warm and cozy in the morning. She was the kind of mom who let Jessica and Joe watch movies in the bathtub. She was the kind of mom who piled on the couch with Jessica and Joe every Friday night to eat pizza and watch movies. She had special portraits taken at every birthday and every holiday. She loved to visit Jessica and Joe at school lunch time. She was the kind of mom who went on rides with Jessica and Joey at the boardwalk, loved going to the movies with them in the afternoon, and coordinated annual visits to Storybook Land at Christmas time with Grandmom and her family. She loved reading and made frequent trips to the library with Jessica and Joe. She loved swimming with them at the pool and loved taking them to the beach in Longport and buying ice cream. Her car windows were full of writing and pictures from Jessie and Joey. She saved every picture and letter that Jessie and Joey made for her. She bought them everything they needed and wanted and found such joy in that giving. We talked with Maryalyce about reincarnation and she said if she could come back as anything, she would come back as girl, so that she could be a mommy.
Jessica and Joe, even though mommy isn’t with us physically now she is still with us spiritually and is still watching over you and guiding you. She will always love you and her light will live on in you.
Marylayce’s love for Jessie and Joe will forever show that a mother’s love is eternal and not limited to the physical world. We are all better people for knowing Maryalyce. The way she loved us all will always inspire us to have joyful hearts.
In 2001 Maryalyce tested positive for a mutation in the BRCA1 cancer gene. She enrolled in a risk assessment and screening program and diligently had mammograms, ultrasounds and blood tests done in order to stay healthy.
In April 2005, at the urging or her doctors, Maryalyce had a prophylactic hysterectomy in order to prevent getting ovarian cancer. The doctor who performed the hysterectomy severed her ureter and she woke up in serious pain. She was sick for most of the year after the hysterectomy and in April 2006, on her 41st birthday, was diagnosed with primary peritoneal cancer, a form of ovarian cancer that develops in the abdomen. During the year after her hysterectomy, Maryalyce sought treatment from many prominent physicians. Most of them dismissed her complaints and some did harm by prescribing painkillers that caused more problems and delayed the diagnosis. None of doctors thought of ovarian cancer as the cause of the unrelenting pain. By the time a gynecologic oncologist made the diagnosis, the tumors were extensive, filling the abdominal cavity and extending from the rib cage and wrapping around the pelvis. Maryalyce endured many risky surgeries and painful chemotherapy treatments.
On May 19, 2007, Maryalyce passed away after fighting so hard to stay well for her children, 11 year old Jessica and 8 year old Joseph.
Throughout her devastating illness Maryalyce was focused on her treatments and the well being of Jessica and Joey. Her thoughts were constantly about her children. Her last words were “I love my babies”.
How could such a tragedy have happened? Why do these children have to grow up without a mother…a mother who was so extremely dedicated to them. Why couldn’t the doctors have done better. It’s easy for them to dismiss this case as rare but the doctors need to listen more and think more and slow down enough to care.
I still dream about my sister so often. I dream that she didn’t die. The doctors said she would die in two weeks after stopping treatment and she did but I dream repeatedly that they were wrong and she lived. I dream that she is angry with me for not forcing her to go to other doctors. Dream that she tells me that I also have the BRCA1 gene. I have dreams in which I can feel her hand on my back.
The loss of a sister, daughter and mother impacts so many people. We need to find a cure for this devastating illness.
Submitted by Suzanne Martin
